We Are Strong, Benatar Style

Dearest Millicent,

Quickly, because all dream descriptions that don’t involve expanding and shrinking ballon nipples should be quick, I have a dream for you.  Last night, I dreamt that I opened my door this morning, and you were there.  You said “I didn’t have anything else to do.” So, you had driven to my city, and we went out in the world to run errands.  On of our errands was to go talk to your past mother-in-law.  She was being mean, and we told her off expertly.  It was very satisfying. I wish you were there as cognitively as I was.  We were, as they say, fierce.

Ummm…that phonecall, while terrifying, was a gift from the heavens to read about.  And, because there are too many Law and Orders on television these days, I must say, be careful.  But, wowzers.  Somebody threatened to “cut you!” I thought that only happened in 1940’s dice alleys or very bad after school specials.  And the reference to Dr. Phil.  Wise.  But we must also have a universal “What the shit?”  It is quite an intrusion, hilarious or not.  Any clues to who the missing link in this may be? When the drama rains, the drama pours, no?

Lastly, the fifth child must not be allowed victory.  You must crush him, probably through ignoring him and his evil evil ways.  You must pretend he is a sleepy-eyed SUV driving dolt that just wants to skip class to eat muffins and watch the Cosby Show (and shag his new college girlfriend).  He obviously has respect issues, or in a twisted way thinks that he is charming you with his intellectual avarice.  Pretend you are part of the No Child Left Behind program, and adequately (that’s all that is required) serve some while leaving the obnoxious (this stinker) far behind. Of course, easier said than done.  Also of use, my neighbor, our mutual friend, recently said that she has been going into class lately with the goal of being the worst teacher possible.  Then she congratulates herself when something goes a muck.  She says it has improved her attitude greatly.

If all else fails, you should introduce your mystery caller to your letter writer.  I bet they would hit it off on a magic carpet ride touring the planets, grooves and all. And then throw them this fifth child as a therapeutic craft project for their violent tendencies (too much?)

Yours always,



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