A Fine Whine

Dear CF,

  1. I bought a banana cream pie that would get me through a critical work period. It was frozen.
  2. Thanks to the Pavlovian driver response to smoke—slow down and stare hard at the firemen spraying the grass—it took three and a half hours to get home.
  3. I walked in the house and my work pie slid out of its box and onto the floor.
  4. Which I cleaned.
  5. But which is nonetheless unclean and keeps recording my footprints in the kitchen and beyond in a sticky Family Circle-style chart of my whereabouts.
  6. I just referenced Family Circle.
  7. I spent three hours researching cars online.
  8. I still don’t know what a powertrain is, so I switched on the TV. Mad Men was on! Hurrah!
  9. My cable has “Weak to No Signal” and is unwatchable.
  10. Rather than do the work that badly needs doing, I decided to finish a thing I’d been wanting to post here.
  11. I did it! I finished it at 4:30 a.m.!
  12. Whereupon Firefox crashed and all my edits were lost.
  13. Whereupon I went to bed and dreamed of doing all the work the banana cream pie was supposed to help me do.
  14. Which still needs doing. And I have to go the post office.




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