The End Days
September 27, 2009 3 Comments
Just when healthcare is a major news story, and the public is examining the essentials of money and access, the new eyelash growing drug Latisse is in full promotional throttle. Insurance companies swear they want what’s best for us, and those against the public option swear that the current system really is on our side. And they are, if we are the type to spend a couple thou on thicker lashes. This product captures the lack of logic and the class gap that are the great pillars of anti-reform. If I think about it too hard, I throw a fit like Rumpelstiltskin.
Here’s Latisse. Originally a glaucoma drug, patients found that their eyelashes were recieving a side benefit during treatment. The commerical is filmed in full Pantene-o-vision, with lots of satine shots showing glossy hair and sophisticated ladies. Brooke Shields is the spokesmodel, and at first I thought it was one more of those “look what we’ve done now” mascara commercials for Superstrong, Sexxymax, HighGlo, True You Everlasting, with bedazzled new spiral wand for easier, lovelier application. And then realized, hell no. It’s a drug that looks like eyeliner, and it FUCKING GROWS YOUR EYELASHES. It can also cause excessive irritation, skin darkening and red eyelids.
Allergan, the company that makes Latisse, also makes Juvederm. Their website is a wonder. Not only can you watch Brooke’s Journey to full lashes, but you can view close up after close up of greasy, alien looking eyelashes. Our use of mascara is witness to the fact that the majority of us suffer from a grave illness, and they have found the cure:
LATISSE® solution is a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis used to grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker.
Eyelash hypotrichosis is another name for having inadequate or not enough eyelashes.
We have one more thing that we need to get rejuvenated. I think the next drug up will be about getting ride of those pesky wrinkles on our elbows.
Did you ever hear of the urban legend about the drug that would make hair removal permanent, and that the Gillette company bought the drug out so that the razor business wouldn’t tank? I wonder if Maybelline has any stock in this thing?