James Cameron Is the King of the Echo People, and Other Good News!
March 8, 2010 1 Comment
The Oscars are over. There, and elsewhere in the world, there was much that was terrible. I’ve stuffed myself with Cloon’s Crispers (motto: Put That Pot-Belly in Yours!). But we won’t think about that today. Today we will turn a page. We will dare to dream. We will think outside boxes, we will make love not war, we will look on bright sides and celebrate our own grass, which is as green as James Cameron and twice as springy. Today, in the spirit of Half-Full Glasses (and our sponsor, Dame Judi’s Denchers (TM), which reside beautifully therein) I give you the week’s Good News.
- I left my car window open in the middle of town while I worked in a cafe for five hours. Nothing happened. Not so much as a CD gone. My stupidity? It lives to see another day!
- That blue-people remake of Pocahontas didn’t get Best Picture.
- This news is dampened slightly by the fact that Bigelow’s win happened to the strains of “I Am Woman,” which should beggar belief, except it doesn’t because—you may not know this—but KATHRYN BIGELOW IS NOT A MAN. She is a directrix. Directress. Huh. Do we need a word for this now?
- Had James Cameron won, this is what I hoped he’d say:
- Utah defeated the bill that could charge pregnant women with homicide for miscarrying because of “recklessness.”
- I finally saw the first four episodes of The Wire.
- “Green Wing,” which you showed me on Hulu, paralyzing my life for the last three days, proves that the Brits are totally over the conversation we keep having about why can’t American filmmakers believe that women can be weird humans not just sexy-hot sunshiny Miracle-gro that makes the weedy funnymen chafe-develop? Women of Britain, rejoice! In the annals of comedy, you have been admitted to the status of American men!