Help! (Semi-Evil Non-Plots)

Dear CF,

I slept! I woke up without the aches and grumps that usually mark my mornings! I have also had two cups of tea (formosa dark!), one cup of coffee, a coke, two kinds of dessert and chips with mashed-up avocado and now I am trying to think of several failed terrorist plots!!!! For a plot! And I need help!!!!

If you can think of any methods for a (fictional, by the way–I am not actually planning to be a failed terrorist) person to go through a security check and get caught/arrested with something

a. potentially terroristy and fatal but which —here is the real challenge

b. she could plausibly talk her way out of,

I will pay you for them in chocolate and glass etchings of robots, my series of which I plan to resume. Or in even more homemade coasters for your nonexistent coffee table.

The person: a woman, 20-35, wears long skirts, looks a little like Claire in The Book Group.   Her quest: to get temporarily arrested for a crime she never intended to actually commit. In an airport. So far I have her wearing plastic explosives in her shoes. They’re too subtle. She doesn’t get caught. BUT: the plastic explosives, had they been detected, wouldn’t have been detonatable (not a word! don’t care!). And she bought the shoes from someone else and has arguably been framed. You get the idea. She could have gotten out of it.

Other ideas:

  • Knife that wouldn’t get detected by the metal detectors? Supersharp but biodegradable! Made by a fruitsmith out of welded peach pits/molten mango cores? She lives on a commune and uses it to prepare her vegan airport meal of coconut (hard to cut)?
  • Locket/tiny grenade—actually an anti-rape device? Throw the necklace and it explodes, creating a diversion? Accidentally wore it to the airport. Possible heirloom; didn’t know it was live?
  • Seeing-eye Komodo dragon. (She’s allergic to dogs!)
  • Mace-containing inhaler





4 Responses to Help! (Semi-Evil Non-Plots)

  1. Harriet's cousin says:

    I’m just catching up with “Life” (Damian Lewis/Sarah Shahi LA cop thing), and in the 2nd series (prison experiment episode) someone makes a throat-cutting implement from a plastic bag… Tho’ I suppose in your scenario you’d need it to have been melted into shape before she reaches airport security.

  2. Carla Fran says:

    I’m thinking you could play with how undergrads sneak booze into football games–ziplocs of liquor in their bra…maybe she could have some sloshy malintent in her bra? Also, what about a perfume or deodorant spray in her purse that she has built an immunity too (or has mastered how to hold her breath…?
    I think you could also have fun with the fact that a lot of the plots don’t actually have to work, she just thinks they will work. Maybe she takes several cues from television and mystery novels, only to sadly find they don’t fly in the real world. I like how she is a MacGyver of the strangest kind!

  3. Millicent says:

    Hello, cousin of Harriet! Wow. I’m amazed by what you can make out of plastic bags. My sister made a bike messenger bag out of them, and THAT blew my mind. (It involved melting them together using an iron, more spatial intelligence than I’ll ever have, and a lot of help from an Instructable. I just googled “plastic bag knife instructable” and now I know how to tape plastic to a window in case of an emergency, but I am no nearer your fabled implement.) I may have to watch Life to see how this is done.

    Carla Fran, I thought about lethal sloshies. Nitroglycerine, maybe? In one of those water bra things that give you ripply falsies? Risky, of course. I want them to be evil genius plans that could work and don’t because she doesn’t want them to. A self-defeating Brain … or Brain and Pinky rolled into one, if you will.

  4. Harriet's cousin says:

    Ach, they don’t really give a step-by-step guide on “Life”. More “here’s a partially-remelted white stick thing, here’s a video clip of a plastic bag, and you remember we showed you a box of matches earlier – fill in the gaps yourself”…

    You should watch “Life” though – I’d be interested to hear your opinions. I liked the relatively unsexualised tone of Crews and Reese’s relationship, although I still wanted them to end up together. It worries me how unreconstructed my narrative sensibility is….

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