Real Men Smell Like Deer in Heat

Dear CF,

I was recently in a gun shop in Proctorville, Ohio, going up the stairs from the shooting-range in the basement after deciding that this was not the place from which to steal a chocolate doughnut. Even though there they were—unguarded, free for the taking—just in front of a couple of “3-D targets” (a.k.a. plastic animal statues):

Judging from the educational material on the projector and the abandoned notes on the conference table, an NRA meeting on gun safety had just concluded. Anyway, like I said, I was leaving, doughnut-hungry, when I saw this:

The picture isn’t in great focus because two guys in the basement gave us weird looks as we were leaving, and I was worried they would catch me taking shots. So I snapped two quick pictures and decided to look at them later. Here is the close-up:

Given world enough and time, here’s what I’ve gathered: the ultimate one-two hunting combination consists in masking your man-smell with Scent Killer and then dousing yourself in Special Golden Estrus (deer urine), so that you smell so much like a fetching lady-deer such that the stags will come flocking to you.

Other mottoes they may have contemplated to go with the steroid-man pictured: Real men wear deer-drag. Be the Best Doe-Bro You Can Be. Golden Showers Bring Male Powers.

Fondly,

M

3 Responses to Real Men Smell Like Deer in Heat

  1. T. Li says:

    My favorite part of the poster is the celebrity autograph. Which means the man is apparently some sort of celebrity, of the sort that would agree to endorse a deer hunting pheromone and not have it be a terrible career move. The mind wonders…

    • Millicent says:

      It does indeed! And yet I can’t bring myself to Google him, because the wondering—in this case—will always be better than the truth.

      (Right?)

  2. Emma says:

    “Doe Bro” made me laugh outloud. And it has made my wheels start turning regarding men who want to smell like (deer) ladies who take part in a typically masculine endevour while holding a gun that, if I dig deep enough into the recesses of my English major brain, I could argue looks like a phallus. There’s just so much here … this is the post that keeps on giving!

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